Everytime I look at your picture or hear his name together with yours I get this huge wave of jealousy just flooding in through my throat filling my lungs and my chest till I scream to get the feeling off of me. And honestly I dont think its fair that I should hold something against him although I dont know him enough to do such an act. But simply for the fact that he's with you just pushes the "I Am Very Not Fond Of You" button in my systems.
The thing is after so long a period of time I thought I have gotten over you. I mean heck I make jokes about you so that it will seem like I have gotten over you. After all a lie repeated many times becomes truth in the end. In this case it will probably take a lifetimes worth of lies to get over you. So the truth is this I am not completely over you. Nevertheless over the span of time I have to admit meeting new girls has helped alot. But again whenever I hear about you or just read about you I just get jealous.
Call me what you will. Your opinions or suggestions on this case will I think hardly make a scratch on my feelings towards her. The insanity in the fact that I actually am going to live with "She's happy and thats all that matters" bullshit is something that I think is a sign that my feelings surpasses words such as "like" or "infatuation". Honestly I feel its still too soon to say its love. Probably I'm afraid to say it and am reminded by the scars you left. How once we were in love and the next we were not.
Anyway quoting Daryl Life goes on. With or without you. Of course it would be much better if it was with you.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
This Is A Social Test
...everybody stay calm.
So want to walk into a bank with a shotgun saying that.
So want to walk into a bank with a shotgun saying that.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
What Keeps The Dream Alive
It's been a while since a very wordy blog entry. So long ago that I'm starting to doubt if I'm able to write one. And no this is not an ad I'll never have ads to do. Particularly cause my blog hits do not meet the requirements. Even if it did I wouldnt know as I have lost my username and password to my nuffnang account. Oh well.
Back on topic, so what is it that keeps the dream alive? First of all I'm pretty sure all you are familiar with the Rockstar dream. Of course there are others like The Bar dream and World Peace dream but above all the dreams I have, is the Rockstar Dream. Well before anyone hits their speed dial to their local pastor or my youth pastor for that matter. Let me clarify that I will stay away from drugs, alcohol and sex parties when I do become a rockstar.
Moving on. As all of you know the dream to excel in the music industry, internationally and grammy-ly is something I have been going on and on for a long time. The birth of this dream was of course a very vague one. This dream was a dream that got me questioning myself. Questions like "Should I really pursue this? Give up my whole life to this?" pops in to my mind like an annoying kid blowing his bubblegum. No matter how vague a situation will be one must always make a decision. And I've made the decision. And that is to pursue this dream till the day I die.
Constantly people ask me "What do you want to do in the future?". My answers would vary on the person who is asking me the question. If it's one of you guys I would just answer rockstar. If it was one of my parents friends my answer would be to be an engineer. For some reason I'm quite shy as to revealing to adults that my dream is actually to be a rockstar. Maybe I fear the fact that they would sit me down for a 2 hour long lecture on why I shouldnt be one. Or maybe I fear the fact that I would embarrass my parents or maybe because I feel that they would just look at me as some kind of immature kid who doesnt know what he's talking about.
The only thing that I can be certain of when I made the decision to be pursue this dream was that people around me are going to question my decision. Whether it was coming from my peers or my family the things they say are all the same. Some mocked my dreams one way or another with things like "While you're struggling to be a rockstar I'll be making millions" well of course I understand that you all mean well just that some are just a little anal with their opinions.
Whatever it maybe consider yourself forgiven. I do not expect anyone to understand why I do what I do. Not even I know the reason as to why I am so adamant in this whole thing when even I doubt myself at times. Well most of the times. To say that I will be a rockstar one day is one hell of a bold statement. I mean heck my song writting skills arent that great. Neither are my skills in my guitar. To say that would be like a 19 BC human being looking up into the sky and saying "One day the moon will be in my reach".
Its so difficult so much so that its almost impossible. I'm not born with some crazy ass music skills. I'm no prodigy and hell I didnt even take theory lessons. What's worst is that I aint white. That's like playing a versus game with the handicap set to the max on insane level. It's freaking crazy. Often times I ask myself why do I torture myself like this. I can just study hard and get all the qualifications and be like every other Joe wearing a damn Armani suit.
But I chose to travel the road often times not travelled my anyone. With all these in mind. It brings us back to the question of what keeps this dream alive? Honestly I have intended to give up on this whole gig and just go with the system. But everytime I do so I just keep falling back into this whole thing. It's like its never gonna let me go. If so then why the hell am I not getting better at my guitar. Why arent I getting the skills I need to be a great kick ass rockstar. Living in a bus full of guitar that it wont be funny anymore as said by Daniel.
I have no idea. But if I have to give an answer, as textbooky as it may seem my guess would be passion and faith. I might never make it. I might never be what I want to be. I might waste my life away chasing a dream that will never come true. I might be wrong and they might be right. He might be making millions and I still might be struggling to achieve what I want. I might end up homeless and maybe misery would be the only thing left to entertain me.
But theres an upside to this whole thing. You see the keywords are might and maybe. Nothing is certain. You know maybe I will make it. Maybe somehow I will be what I want to be. And the time chasing this dream of mine will not be wasted. And maybe I will be right and they will be wrong. He might be making millions earlier than me but I guess I'm just a late bloomer. I might just make it.
O Lord, uncertainty has never looked this good.
Back on topic, so what is it that keeps the dream alive? First of all I'm pretty sure all you are familiar with the Rockstar dream. Of course there are others like The Bar dream and World Peace dream but above all the dreams I have, is the Rockstar Dream. Well before anyone hits their speed dial to their local pastor or my youth pastor for that matter. Let me clarify that I will stay away from drugs, alcohol and sex parties when I do become a rockstar.
Moving on. As all of you know the dream to excel in the music industry, internationally and grammy-ly is something I have been going on and on for a long time. The birth of this dream was of course a very vague one. This dream was a dream that got me questioning myself. Questions like "Should I really pursue this? Give up my whole life to this?" pops in to my mind like an annoying kid blowing his bubblegum. No matter how vague a situation will be one must always make a decision. And I've made the decision. And that is to pursue this dream till the day I die.
Constantly people ask me "What do you want to do in the future?". My answers would vary on the person who is asking me the question. If it's one of you guys I would just answer rockstar. If it was one of my parents friends my answer would be to be an engineer. For some reason I'm quite shy as to revealing to adults that my dream is actually to be a rockstar. Maybe I fear the fact that they would sit me down for a 2 hour long lecture on why I shouldnt be one. Or maybe I fear the fact that I would embarrass my parents or maybe because I feel that they would just look at me as some kind of immature kid who doesnt know what he's talking about.
The only thing that I can be certain of when I made the decision to be pursue this dream was that people around me are going to question my decision. Whether it was coming from my peers or my family the things they say are all the same. Some mocked my dreams one way or another with things like "While you're struggling to be a rockstar I'll be making millions" well of course I understand that you all mean well just that some are just a little anal with their opinions.
Whatever it maybe consider yourself forgiven. I do not expect anyone to understand why I do what I do. Not even I know the reason as to why I am so adamant in this whole thing when even I doubt myself at times. Well most of the times. To say that I will be a rockstar one day is one hell of a bold statement. I mean heck my song writting skills arent that great. Neither are my skills in my guitar. To say that would be like a 19 BC human being looking up into the sky and saying "One day the moon will be in my reach".
Its so difficult so much so that its almost impossible. I'm not born with some crazy ass music skills. I'm no prodigy and hell I didnt even take theory lessons. What's worst is that I aint white. That's like playing a versus game with the handicap set to the max on insane level. It's freaking crazy. Often times I ask myself why do I torture myself like this. I can just study hard and get all the qualifications and be like every other Joe wearing a damn Armani suit.
But I chose to travel the road often times not travelled my anyone. With all these in mind. It brings us back to the question of what keeps this dream alive? Honestly I have intended to give up on this whole gig and just go with the system. But everytime I do so I just keep falling back into this whole thing. It's like its never gonna let me go. If so then why the hell am I not getting better at my guitar. Why arent I getting the skills I need to be a great kick ass rockstar. Living in a bus full of guitar that it wont be funny anymore as said by Daniel.
I have no idea. But if I have to give an answer, as textbooky as it may seem my guess would be passion and faith. I might never make it. I might never be what I want to be. I might waste my life away chasing a dream that will never come true. I might be wrong and they might be right. He might be making millions and I still might be struggling to achieve what I want. I might end up homeless and maybe misery would be the only thing left to entertain me.
But theres an upside to this whole thing. You see the keywords are might and maybe. Nothing is certain. You know maybe I will make it. Maybe somehow I will be what I want to be. And the time chasing this dream of mine will not be wasted. And maybe I will be right and they will be wrong. He might be making millions earlier than me but I guess I'm just a late bloomer. I might just make it.
O Lord, uncertainty has never looked this good.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Chicks will never understand
liewzhenquan. Chinked Out says:
i just spent rm340 on that ===> (refers to my display picture was the Blues Driver 2)
кίŗsღ says:
wth
кίŗsღ says:
for a small box thingie.
liewzhenquan. Chinked Out says:
ehh its a good guitar pedal!
Keeley ModThursday, June 25, 2009
A sudden blast of bills
Now why is it that suddenly everything that I need to pay for is suddenly mashed up in two weeks. Why cant they just spread all these things out in 6 months. Gosh. Lets look at my accounts book shall we.
Starting of the year Rm1500+
-RM 200+ Ipoh Trip
-Rm 100+ Holiday Outings
-RM350 Electro Harmonix Little Big Muff
Now I'm left with only RM 600 and I'm suppose to foot out money for...
-BOSS Blues Driver 2 Keeley Mod RM 340
-Dynamitez t-shirt RM18 (quite cheap compared to last year btw).
-Dynamitez bus to the stadium for two days RM10
-Nostalgia page RM90
-Prom ticket RM150
-Transformers 2 movie ticket RM10 + misc RM10
All that stuff sums up to a great big fat RM628!!
Good job extra 28 bucks please.
Starting of the year Rm1500+
-RM 200+ Ipoh Trip
-Rm 100+ Holiday Outings
-RM350 Electro Harmonix Little Big Muff
Now I'm left with only RM 600 and I'm suppose to foot out money for...
-BOSS Blues Driver 2 Keeley Mod RM 340
-Dynamitez t-shirt RM18 (quite cheap compared to last year btw).
-Dynamitez bus to the stadium for two days RM10
-Nostalgia page RM90
-Prom ticket RM150
-Transformers 2 movie ticket RM10 + misc RM10
All that stuff sums up to a great big fat RM628!!
Good job extra 28 bucks please.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Hello There Universe
I have been penning lyrics which I can honestly say that I'm quite proud of lately and composing tunes which are less dissapointing than previous tunes. I dont know what caused this sudden burst of inspiration. Maybe it was because of Mraz and Mayer's music which I've been listening to alot. If the winds of fates would have it I'll play an original during prom.
Hold on to your panties ladies cause nothing is certain as usual. Most of the songs that I've written recently either needs fine tuning or its just not done yet.
It's crazy how I work on four different songs at the same time. Lyk Omg.
She's the best in the
Whole Wild World
By the way as most of you know I am a big fan of Jason Mraz. At first it was just "Oh Jason Mraz has good songs. I'm a big fan". Now its more than just liking him as an artist. His blog Freshness Factor Five Thousand gives an insight on his ninja-ways and views on stuff. Its amazing.
His whole live life to the fullest; no worries; taking it easy; gratitude; having fun living ninja-way is just so cool. So (and because I lack sleep and a better word) happy. And honestly I think I have adopted his ninja-way to a certain extend.
Why do I say so? Simply because I think you can find these elements hidden or bare out all naked in the songs which I've written recently. Furthermore, I'm starting to do things I dont normally do like rafting or climbing a mountain. Well so far I've only rafted but the fact that I want to do these things already shows the adaptation of Mraz life's values.
But seriously I think I need to draw the line here between admiring someones work and using it as an inspiration and copying the hell out of someones work. I mean sure I'm a big fan of Mraz's work and stuff but when it comes to establishing yourself as a musician I'm pretty sure you want your own identity. Your own sound. At least for me I do.
I dont want to sound like Mraz, Mayer, Hendrix, Clapton or BB King at all if possible cause I'm just afraid that I get caught up so much that I end up being known as that Wannabe "insert really epic dude's name" dude. Living in your big brother's shadow is enough but in a grammy winning artist's shadow is another thing.
Dont get me wrong though I would love to sound like one of them epic people I mentioned earlier its just that at some point I feel that its important that I have my own sound; my own musical style to distinguish me from the rest.
Copying something great is easy;
Creating something new and distinct takes balls and time.
O Lord forgiveth the bad analogy.
Hold on to your panties ladies cause nothing is certain as usual. Most of the songs that I've written recently either needs fine tuning or its just not done yet.
It's crazy how I work on four different songs at the same time. Lyk Omg.
She's the best in the
Whole Wild World
*********
By the way as most of you know I am a big fan of Jason Mraz. At first it was just "Oh Jason Mraz has good songs. I'm a big fan". Now its more than just liking him as an artist. His blog Freshness Factor Five Thousand gives an insight on his ninja-ways and views on stuff. Its amazing.
His whole live life to the fullest; no worries; taking it easy; gratitude; having fun living ninja-way is just so cool. So (and because I lack sleep and a better word) happy. And honestly I think I have adopted his ninja-way to a certain extend.
Why do I say so? Simply because I think you can find these elements hidden or bare out all naked in the songs which I've written recently. Furthermore, I'm starting to do things I dont normally do like rafting or climbing a mountain. Well so far I've only rafted but the fact that I want to do these things already shows the adaptation of Mraz life's values.
But seriously I think I need to draw the line here between admiring someones work and using it as an inspiration and copying the hell out of someones work. I mean sure I'm a big fan of Mraz's work and stuff but when it comes to establishing yourself as a musician I'm pretty sure you want your own identity. Your own sound. At least for me I do.
I dont want to sound like Mraz, Mayer, Hendrix, Clapton or BB King at all if possible cause I'm just afraid that I get caught up so much that I end up being known as that Wannabe "insert really epic dude's name" dude. Living in your big brother's shadow is enough but in a grammy winning artist's shadow is another thing.
Dont get me wrong though I would love to sound like one of them epic people I mentioned earlier its just that at some point I feel that its important that I have my own sound; my own musical style to distinguish me from the rest.
Copying something great is easy;
Creating something new and distinct takes balls and time.
O Lord forgiveth the bad analogy.
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